When Your Pet(s) Makes You a Parent
By Theresa Wild
In older generations, the progression of life events was simple: complete school, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. In more recent years, these events happen in different orders, or certain events are skipped altogether. Within this evolution, a common occurrence you can see in adults now is not having children; instead, pets take the place of that role.
There are several reasons for individuals or couples to opt out of having children. Could it be the financial strain that raising children can have on generations that have already struggled through recessions and student loan debt? Or is it due to the personal freedom one has when having pets vs. children? Or maybe it is because they simply do not want to spend their lives caring for children, instead, they may want to spend that time dedicated to their careers, traveling, or living life for themselves.
Whatever their reason may be, the world is seeing an increase in adults seeking other adventures in life outside of parenting children. However, is there still a desire to fill the role of having something to love and care for, while receiving the most unique type of love from a companion animal? According to two different couples who have both fostered for Humane Society of Loudoun County (HSLC), this is the exact path they have taken and it seems to have worked out perfectly for them.
Andi and BJ
Andi (52) and BJ (42) have been known as a couple who falls in love with the “broken” cats. They foster cats, more specifically ferals that need to be socialized, medical cases that need more specialized care and knowledge, and kittens that could require weeks of bottle feeding. They describe themselves as the crazy cat couple and their house has been deemed “the cat house” on their block. They have taken in cats that were labeled as unsocial, to the extent that the agencies worried about ever finding them a home. With their love and support, some of these “unsocial” cats can now be found on their harness at the local brewery with their mom and dad.
“Mystic was a medical foster – a community cat that had been seriously injured and they had no idea how he was going to handle being indoors with people or being medicated. Turns out, he’s amazing and magical. He is EXTREMELY social, has been clicker and harness trained, formally works as a therapy pet, and helps us raise and socialize orphan kittens.” – Andi & BJ
When I asked Andi & BJ if they ever had plans to have children, their answer was simple: “no and no.” Based on their hobbies alone, it would appear that they enjoy their freedom. They are gamers, brewers, and fans of Star Wars and other sci-fi fantasies.
In their own words, they are “proud nerds.” BJ plays guitar and bass and has been in a few bands, while Andi is a competitive pole dancer. It’s not that Andi and BJ don’t love kids, they have just chosen not to have their own. With 7 cats to care for and their busy social lives, Andi and BJ seem to have a wonderful balance.
Marshal and David
The same can be said for another couple that I spoke to, Marshal (34) and David (37). David is a children’s librarian and has made it his life work to bring stories to life for little ones. Although they don’t foresee children as a part of their future, they enjoy watching their friends’ children grow up.
Even though Marshal and David have chosen not to have children, Oscar Trotsky, their 4-year-old cat, has similar behaviors to what can be found in having a child. Oscar could be categorized as a “foster fail” (or “foster win”, depending on your perspective), after living with them for 3 months as a foster cat and then becoming a part of their forever family. Oscar can often be found napping on Marshal and David’s legs, devouring his wet food, and making occasional Zoom cameos when Marshal works from home.
Oscar Enjoying a Good Nap
Although Oscar Trotsky was given his name due to Marshal and David’s love for political science, in their home, he is referred to as “the baby.” In casual conversations, you can hear them ask each other “Did you feed the baby yet?”
Even though they compare Oscar to a baby, they know it is not the same thing. The couple acknowledges that “while both of us know that caring for children takes immeasurably more time and effort (no one puts a bowl of kibble down for their toddler and then walks out the door for a few hours) we do make decisions about the care of Oscar jointly. And while we do not consider him our child, he is one of the highest priorities in our shared lives.”
“Just Do It!”
Both couples have similar paths of not having children, but dedicating their lives to loving their pets unconditionally. If you ask either couple, they have the same advice for anyone considering adding a furry “child” to their lives: “Just do it!” According to David and Marshal, “Pets allow us to express love, and any time we have the opportunity and ability to share love, I believe it makes the world a better place.”
Whether you are considering children, one pet, or even seven, the love of an animal is endless. If you are on the fence about adding a child or a pet to your life – that’s ok! Andi and BJ said it best: “Your local rescue, and of course HSLC, will have the right companion animal for your lifestyle.” Reach out and see what is out there for you. Who knows, you may find your forever baby as well.